How helping others can result in drama for you as a manager and the people around you
Most of us love to help others out. However, how we help, can have a big impact. Especially in a situation when the question for help is related to dealing with another colleague’s behaviour. It can either result in drama in your team or a more open culture. How? Below a real-life example.
Colleague Harry comes up to you with a story about colleague Max. Max has been having cigarette breaks when the team is experiencing peak-hours, Harry states. This is upsetting for Harry and he does not feel supported by Max in all the work that needs to be done. Harry informs you about this and expects you to do something, since you are the team manager. He wants you to go to Max and tell him off.
At this point alarm bells should go off…this is the start of possible drama for you and for your team. This is the start of the drama-triangle*!
So what happens next? Two scenarios are possible…
Scenario 1: The drama triangle in full flow
You want to help Harry out. You don’t want these cigarette breaks to happen. You don’t want Harry to be frustrated, so you have the chat with Max. Max is completely surprised by your feedback, unaware of the fact that he was doing something wrong. ”On what facts and observations do you base your feedback?”, he wants to know. You have been out-of-the-office for external meetings and haven’t been around. So he wonders: “Who has been talking behind my back?”
This situation contributes to a toxic work environment: it increases gossip and a blame culture.
Hence the Drama-triangle in full flow:
Or you can use the situation to stimulate openness in your team….
Scenario 2: Creating a feedback culture
You want to help Harry out. However, you are not going to have the conversation with Max yourself: You will coach and stimulate Harry to have the conversation with Max himself. You practise the feedback conversation with Harry, you ask him what he has observed (what are the facts?), what effect that had on Harry (what was the negative impact for him personally?)? Also, what suggestion does he have for Max to improve their collaboration together, next time Max is having a cigarette break.
At first Harry is a bit hesitant and shows some resistance. He doesn’t really want to do this. However, in the end he is motivated to have the chat with Max. They discover Max was not realising he was taking breaks during busy times and they decide to re-assess their work division. Harry is happy that he shared his frustration. Their open and honest conversation has contributed to a constructive atmosphere in the team.
What do you do to create an open feedback culture in your team? Do you want to equip yourself and your colleagues with feedback skills? Contact me via floor@flowmotion-consultancy.co.uk or read a client testimonial here
*Stephen Karpman, 1968